Way Back at Easter

This year the first night of the Jewish Passover fell on the evening of Good Friday. We were invited to first and second night seders on Friday and Saturday nights and lunch at the home of friends of my husband’s family on Sunday. I was looking forward to our somewhat busy and social weekend.

In the lead up to the Easter long weekend my throat began to feel scratchy, which was no surprise because others in the family had colds. Friday I woke up feeling bad: sore throat, cough, fatigue and a nose that wouldn’t stop running. I rested as much as I could, hoping to feel better by the evening. I also filled myself with vitamin C and olive leaf.

Friday evening rolled around and I still felt no better. I decided, however, to go anyway. That, in and of itself, was a big decision for me. Going out when I feel unwell challenges my anxiety and puts my body on high alert, “Flight or Fight”. Furthermore, I would have felt embarrassed to have left a seder before it ended (unless I'd been very unwell.) Those thoughts increased my anxiety. After we arrived, there was a delay and the seder started forty five minutes late. All this made me more and more anxious. All through the evening waves of fear washed over me, as I read, as I ate, as I talked. I stayed put and tried to exercise distraction by mindfulness, concentrating on the passages being read and the conversations I was having. The seder concluded and I survived, exhausted, unwell but also triumphant.

I woke up feeling worse on Saturday so, again, did as little as possible. The friend’s house where we went for second night is a different design from the one we’d been at the night before. That’s just as well because my nose was much much worse. Fortunately, I was able to discreetly slip out to blow my nose and cough as needed. Surprisingly, although I felt worse, I was less anxious. Maybe I just didn’t have the energy to fight or flee or maybe it was because I knew I could get through the night, having done so the previous evening.

Sunday lunch was much further away than the two seders had been so it was a tiring drive just to get there. I spent a good deal of the time there coughing, blowing my nose and just generally feeling bad. Despite all that, I had no anxiety at all.

I spent Easter Monday in bed all day.

The weekend was great fun. I had a ball at both seders and lunch. I attribute part of my success at “getting through” all three to the fact that I was interacting with great people. Ultimately, it was more than just a fun weekend. It was another step forward for me in managing my anxiety.