Victories

I have a friend, S, who also suffers from Panic and Anxiety Disorder. In fact, I met her in a PAD support group over ten years ago. It turned out our children went to the same school at the time. Hers were in upper primary school and my elder child was in Year 3.

About eighteen months ago I had a long visit with S at her house and it was then that the idea for this blog was born. We had so much fun comparing notes and laughing at ourselves and our rituals that I was sure other people with the same condition might benefit from an on-line discussion of what it's like to have PAD.

PAD has manifested itself differently in the two of us. Mine tends to be cyclic. I go through periods where I'm as "normal" as I'm ever going to be; I go out and about with ease. Then something triggers a setback and I can barely walk out my front door without intense anxiety. I then spend months to years clawing my way back to my "normal". S has rarely had gaps in her PAD. It's something she's had to deal with on a daily basis for quite a number of years with no break, despite treatment. Furthermore, I like to be out and about either alone or with close family. That way, if I have a panic attack I can hit the ground running and get out of wherever I am without having to give an explanation or excuse. S, on the other hand, feels safer being with other people - ones she's close to who know about her issues. Up until recently that did not include her daughters; she didn't want to saddle them with mum having a panic attack.

The other day, I ran into S at the local shops. She was there with her daughter and new grandson. S told me that, when her daughter was pregnant, she decided that she needed to be able to go out with her daughter so she could better enjoy the whole grandmother experience. Once she felt safe with that daughter, however, it extended to her younger daughter, as well. S was really proud of herself as she told me this; it was obvious how much it had enhanced her life. Going shopping and having a coffee with either of my children is something I thoroughly enjoy. Now S can relish the experience, as well. It's also really helpful for her daughter to have S there when she takes the baby shopping. I shared S's joy and was very proud of her, too.

With PAD small victories can lead to other small victories. S also told me that she wants to reduce and eventually stop anti-anxiety medication. The victory of going out with her daughters has given her the confidence to take the medication step. I haven't taken anti-anxiety meds (yet) but I understand they are difficult to come off of so I applaud her decision and am proud of her for that, as well. The issue isn't whether or not she goes off her meds, it's that she's currently got the confidence to try. Confidence is in short supply in the personality of a PAD sufferer.

I wish her all the best and look forward to catching up again, preferably one day when she's looking after her charming grandbaby!