ACT involves accepting thoughts, beliefs and feelings rather than challenging them. That’s what I like about it. I’ve learnt to disengage myself – to a certain extent – from my thoughts and feelings by simply acknowledging them. “Yes, I’m feeling very anxious about such and such.”
Following that, I commit myself to a particular course of action. Usually, it’s to continue what I’m doing. I’ve just come back from being on holiday and I always seem to move more out of my comfort zone when I’m away. Consequently, I use ACT a lot. I don’t want to miss out on the things that I’ve come a long way to do so I have to accept my anxiety and commit to doing those things, regardless of my feelings.
Another aspect to ACT is values. The idea is to commit to action which is in accordance with one’s values and goals. This is my stumbling block. I very much use ACT to get through whatever situation I’m in, thinking only of the short-term goal of what I’m doing at that moment.
To be honest, I don’t think about values and/or goals anymore. It’s all I can do to keep my head above water and get through each day. At this stage, any goals I have are purely short-term and informed by my PAD. A few months ago, just as an exercise, I wrote a “life plan” but, again, it was written within the boundaries of my disorder.
When I finished my allocated round of sessions with my psychologist and was doing better, I said to her that I felt like a cage door had been opened but that I didn’t know how to walk out. I don’t think she quite got what I meant. I saw her again recently for other reasons and it came up again. I still didn’t feel as if I were pointed in the right direction.
For a control freak and list maker, it’s uncomfortable to careen from day to day without any tools for planning how I want my life to be. I can plan my week, based around chores, errands and appointments and I can daydream about living in Paris and writing in smoky cafes but I find it impossible to look at what my values are and use them to determine the kind of life I want to be living. Of course, I can use ACT to deal with those feelings of discomfort!
Therein lays the difference between the book I’m reading and my therapy. Although I have no one to bounce ideas off of, the book has a part – which I haven’t read yet – about using ACT and values to make plans and goals. If ACT can add that extra layer to the acceptance and commitment I’m already using, it will be a great therapy, indeed.
(Just to clarify, I think my psychologist is wonderful!)
