I had to go to the airport on Sunday. That's not unusual; I go there a lot. I seem to always be seeing people off or welcoming them home. And by "people" I mean the people in my immediate family. Consequently, I'm familiar with and very comfortable at the airport.
Sunday was different, however. I was anxious. Very anxious. It was by no means enough anxiety to lead to feelings of panic. It was more that feeling in the pit of one's stomach - that cross between butterflies and nausea that just won't go away, no matter what "therapy" one uses. And therein lies part of my problem. I'm at a stage in my recovery where I can lead an almost "normal" life. When I feel the sort of anxiety I felt on Sunday I want it to go away. I'm no longer used to it when I go out; it's not there all the time any more. That's a good thing, too. When it does happen, however, it catches me off-guard and I want the feeling to go away; it's unpleasant. That's when I need to back up and remind myself that it's just a feeling. Yes, it's unpleasant but I can get on with things anyway.
Panic is entirely different. A Panic Attack takes over one's rational mind and any kind of "self-talk" is much more difficult. I wasn't panicking, however. I simply had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, jelly legs and a light-headed feeling. So now I could be at a crossroad. It would be tempting to associate the airport with anxiety and begin avoiding it. An isolated incidence of anxiety is fine; it's what I let it lead to that is a potential problem.
Fortunately, as I drove home from the airport I had a moment of insight about the trigger. It was only indirectly related to the airport so it's unlikely - though not impossible - that I'll avoid the airport. (I'd like to see myself try. It would be nigh on impossible!)
It's not a case of "all's well that ends well". I have another issue to tackle - the trigger. That, however, is for another post.
